Feb 27th

EPISODE NUMBER: 8026 (February 27, 2012)
GUESTS: Peggielene Bartels
SEGMENTS: Movies That Are Destroying America – Oscar Edition – “The Artist” | Movies That Are Destroying America – Oscar Edition – “A Separation” & “The Lorax” | Indecision 2012 – Mitt Romney’s & Rick Santorum’s Michigan Campaigns | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dart suit | White shirt | Navy with white polka dot tie
VIDEOS: Monday, February 27, 2012

Movies That Are Destroying America – Oscar Edition – “The Artist”

Notable Quotables
• Folks I gotta tell you, it is good to be back with Americans because I spent last night with Hollywood watching the three hour liberal clusterfarce known as the Oscars.
• We have outsourced our self-congratulatory stroke fest!

Stephen Colbert

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Report.

Stephen Colbert, The Artist

Sorry Francois, but if I wanted to pay money to see a black and white relic, I’d buy the New York Times.

Stephen Colbert, The Artist

When I go to the theater I want the brightest, loudest movie imaginable. If the cacophony of the bright colors, dazzling lights, and deafening explosions does not induced epileptic seizures, I demand my money back. I go in with a bite stick.

Transformers, The Artist, The Oscars

Tonight I am proud to present “Le Film De La Transformateur: Le Noir De La Lune!” L’Oscar s’il vous plait!

Movies That Are Destroying America – Oscar Edition – “A Separation” & “The Lorax”

Notable Quotables
• If Iran isn’t seeking nuclear weapons, how could my graphics department make that explosion so big?
• Everybody knows the more tie-ins, the more good something is. That’s why my favorite movie and favorite candy is Apocalypse Now and Laters. Those of us of a certain age remember the ads. The flavor, the flavor.

Stephen Colbert, A Seperation

This is an Iranian plot to enrich my emotions.

Stephen Colbert, Hop on Pop

I’m no fan of Dr. Seuss, not after what those kids did to pop. He suffered massive internal hemorrhaging.

Stephen Colbert, The Lorax

I didn’t like this book, okay? First of all, it was a book. Second, it was an environmental screed about a little orange tree hugger trying to kill the good Thneed producing jobs that the Once-ler was creating with nothing more than unwanted Truffula tree tufts.

Stephen Colbert, Humming Fish

I, personally think that Dr. Seuss would only be disappointed that The Lorax has only product 70 tie-ins. So to the producers of the movie I say, this cashtacula sell out is not quite enough. I’m demanding more branding of Loraxian stuff. With what you can buy, boy, the sky the limit. A fillet of fish meal with real Humming-Fish in it.

Filmmakers get cracking, the market is lacking a splendiferous Lorax themed drill made for fracking. Or the fine certain something that all people need. Indeed, you’ll succeed if you sold us a Thneed. They’re easy to make, if you only take all the Truffula tufts off the trees by the lake. They’re comfy and thick, as the thick ironies of The Lorax and Seuss hocking big SUVs.

Indecision 2012 – Mitt Romney’s & Rick Santorum’s Michigan Campaigns

Notable Quotables

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert, Santorum's ass

Stephen Colbert

Colbert Report, electrition

Stephen Colbert

Peggielene Bartels

Stephen Colbert, King Peggy

Stephen:
King Peggy:

Stephen Colbert

Sign Off- Goodnight

Stephen Colbert

That’s it for The Report everybody, goodnight!

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