EPISODE NUMBER: 8078 (April 2, 2012)
GUESTS: Gary Johnson
SEGMENTS: Intro – 4/2/12 | Colbert Super PAC – Super Fun Pack Treasure Hunt | The Beefstate Governors | Yahweh or No Way – Christian Card Counters, Pope Benedict on Marxism & Pope Cologne | Gary Johnson | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Black pin stripe suite | Light blue shirt | Navy tie /light blue stripe
VIDEOS: Monday, April 3, 2012
Intro – 4/2/12
Tonight, trouble in the beef industry: the mortality rate among the steers is frightening. Then, the pope pays a visit to Cuba. I bet he’s scouting short stops for the Cardinals. And my guest, Governor Gary Johnson was a republican candidate and is now a libertarian candidate. Next: Manchurian candidate.
Colbert Super PAC – Super Fun Pack Treasure Hunt
- I’ve always said America’s colleges are an incubator of imaginative ideas. For instance many students imagine that college will help them get a job.
- Now, since then this limited edition kit has been ordered by nearly 400 college students who will soon be starting Super PACs at their college, university, or correctional facility.
- As the leader of a Super PAC you’ll need strategic political advice. The kind I get from Ham Rove. He has all the brains of Carl Rove with half the sodium.
The Beefstate Governors
- Well, now the anti-business word wizards have a beef with beef.
- Incidentally, pink slime may contain traces of brown back.
- Yes, it’s time to end the smear campaign though full disclosure, pink slime may also contain traces of smear.
- But that’s not the whole story, some of it is also poured into a glove to form the Hamburger Helper.
Yahweh or No Way – Christian Card Counters, Pope Benedict on Marxism & Pope Cologne
- Folks, I do not approve of Los Vegas. If I’m going to throw away my kid’s college tuition, I will do it the old fashioned way, by encouraging them to major in English.
- Exactly, Marxism no longer corresponds to reality. Cuba needs the modern direction provided by a church whose leader is infallible and gets his instructions from a book written by nomadic shepherds between 2,000 and 3,500 years ago.
- Previously, the Castros had resisted encouraging Christian faith because they were afraid Cubans would follow Christ’s example and walk on water to get to Miami.
My guest tonight is the former governor of New Mexico and an advocate for legalizing marijuana. Please welcome Gary Johnson! I’ve never heard my audience cheer so hard for a federal offense.
Stephen: Hey, let’s get high and gay married. That’s the message? That’s your message. That’s your message.
Gov. Johnson: And so the libertarian party is now 40 years old, in a poll three months ago 50% of American’s support legalizing marijuana. Who, perhaps, is singularly most responsible for that? Perhaps it the libertarian party, which, initially, kooks. Today, you know, not so kooky. Everything that the libertarian party is talking about today, I think, is not kooky at all, it’s really the prescription for what ails America.
Stephen: Okay, so if that’s the case, if that’s the case, you ran as a republican. Again, your a two term governor of, uh Mexico?
Gov. Johnson: Nuevo Mexico
Stephen: Nuevo, well you say potato I say burrito.
Stephen: If you actually get the nomination in Los Vegas, will the nomination stay in Los Vegas? Because that could be a problem, you want to get the word out there.
Gov. Johnson: You hit on it. We want to get the word out there. We want to be at 15%. Right now 82% of Americans would consider voting for a third party candidate. Uh, I think the third party is the libertarian party. The largest segment of American politics today are independents. So, who’s representing them?
Stephen: Well, Governor, when you’re in Vegas, if you have time remember the words of Jesus, hold on 16 and split your aces.
Sign Off – Goodnight