EPISODE NUMBER: 8116 (June 21, 2012)
GUESTS: Lawrence Krauss
Special Guest: ABBA (Impersonators)
SEGMENTS: Egypt’s Presidential Election & Hosni Mubarak’s Health | ThreatDown – Sicko Penguins, Stoner Babies & Terrorist Furniture | Operation Artificial Swedener – C’mon Sweden, Take a Chance on Stephen| Sign Off – Lawrence Krauss Shout Out
SUIT REPORT: Dark grey suit | White shirt | Black/blue tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, June 21, 2012
Egypt’s Presidential Election & Hosni Mubarak’s Health
President Mubarak steps down, handing temporary power to the military. Then, in November, Egyptians voted in their first free parliamentary elections. Handing a strong majority to the conservative, Islamic Muslim Brotherhood. Then, the committee writing a new constitution was disbanded. Then, there was a presidential election with thirteen candidates that lead to a run-off between the Muslim Brotherhood candidate and Mubarak’s former prime minister. Then, on the eve of the presidential run-off Egypt’s top court, which was appointed by Mubarak, dissolved parliament and claimed all legislative power for itself. The Muslim Brotherhood refused to capitulate. Then, they held the presidential election. Both candidates claimed they had won and now officials are delaying announcing the winner
Well, folks, looking at the big picture I think the answer here is obvious. Egypt needs a strong leader with experience and a bold vision for beating his opponents with truncheons: Hosni Mubarak. He’s a US ally and it’s time to bring him back.
ThreatDown – Sicko Penguins, Stoner Babies & Terrorist Furniture
A natural history museum in England has just unearthed an unpublished 1915 report from South Pole explorer, George Levick on the sexual habits of Adélie penguins. Which was followed by Levick’s second report: I’m Not a Pervert, There Just Isn’t Anything Else To Do In The South Pole.
The Edwardian adventurer reports the frequency of sexual activity, auto-erotic behavior, and seemingly aberrant behavior of young unpaired males and females, including necrophilia, sexual coercion, sexual and physical abuse of chicks and homosexual behavior. Shocking! But that’s just the tip of the iceberg and we all know the tip is the most sensitive part of the iceberg.
And Levick’s report gets pretty graphic:
By the way, the final depression of the cloaca is penguin for money shot.
Finally, The Atlantic is reporting just how vulnerable the homeland is to terrorism. Of all the victims of terrorist attacks last year U.S. citizens made up .001%. Adding, “a comparable number of Americans are crushed to death by their televisions or furniture each year.”
Operation Artificial Swedener – C’mon Sweden, Take a Chance on Stephen
Regular viewers of this show know that @Sweden, the entire country’s twitter feed, has been turned over a new Swede every week to drum up interest in Sweden.
But by handing it to every Tom, Dick, and Torvall it has embroiled the country in controversy because so far the official tweeting Swedes, or Tweedes, have discussed masturbation and asked “what’s the fuzz?” with Jews.
So, last week I stepped up and graciously offered to be the voice of Sweden but Monday Sweden responded, quote, “Colbert will have to wait”.
Folks, to claim what’s rightfully mine I have launched Operation Artificial Swedener. Urging you, members of the Colbert Nation, to bombard the Swedes on twitter until they give it to me and you unleashed a twittskrieg.
But folks, there’s only one obstacle standing between me and the Swedish tweeting supremacy, Johannes Karlsson, head of PR and Social Media at Visit Sweden who said, and I twote:
Now, I’ve been nice about this but Sweden has been the aggressor. First, Sonja Abrahamsson, the Jew fuzz girl said, “forget about your Swedish Twitter account obsession” and told me to “suck our Swedish meatballs”.
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
My guest tonight is a cosmologist whose new book is about why there is something instead of nothing. I’m guessing because his publisher gave him a deadline.
Stephen: A book about the ultimate question. Okay doctor, sweep away thousands of years of mystery and awe at creation. That lead the greatest minds in civilizations all over the world to lead to one point: A single, divine, loving, creator. Destroy it. Why is it something instead of nothing?
Lawrence: It’s really easy, because nothing’s unstable and, in fact, there’s no evidence for any deity. Everything we know about the laws of physics, which are remarkable and have changed everything about the way we think about the universe, what nothing is and what something is: is this table here is mostly empty space.
Stephen: This table cost me $500.
Sign Off – Lawrence Krauss Shout Out